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Thoughts and worries

Over the past few weeks, with my dad’s situation and many things that are happening around me, I have been struggling with anxious thoughts and worries. Fortunately, after a consultation with my psychiatrist today, I’m not on my way back to depression and anxiety disorder. What I’m diagnosed with is what he called “Adjustment Disorder”, which is more or less a situational/temporary form of anxiety disorder.

Over a similar period, I have also written a few poems just to release my anxiety and worries. This has proven to be quite helpful at times. Hopefully, things will turn brighter for me – at least mentally and spiritually.


Worries – note to self

My father being sick

Relationship being rocky

Things out of my control

I am worried

Progression of illness

My future projects

Things yet to come

I am worried

Cannot concentrate

Cannot be restful

Unease caused by worries

I am worried

I can’t control everything

Anticipations won’t change future

Being anxious only makes things worse

Maybe I should not be worried

Sea, May 19, 2021

Birthday amidst worries


Think and thoughts – note to self

Things do not happen because you anticipate them

Things also do not happen because you don’t anticipate them

Things happen because they are the way they are – impermanent and incomplete

The most calming thing to do is to just live through them

The prose above was written as I reflect on my recent reading as well as my worries and negative thoughts. I realized that the society and environment I have been raised can be quite mentally toxic. They were filled with superstitions and unhelpful beliefs.

Don’t were black or you will bring bad luck

Do not talk about death – it is morbid

These things made me feel worried even more in the circumstances I’m in now. I didn’t dare to wear all-black even though there is no solid reason for it. The more I think, the more I would start thinking back whether I have done something superstitiously wrong or morbid. Albeit there were some stuff about “good luck”, but my brain was more drawn toward morbid signs these days.

Having this realization, I need to remind myself of the lesson I have learned from Detox Your Thoughts: Thoughts do not have power unless you give it to them.

This… is a note to self.

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