Better in Time

Over the past few weeks, I have been quite overwhelmed by the emotion of resentment, disappointment, sadness, and many other depressive feelings. This stemmed from the fight I had with one of my friends, who have been my savior and mentee over the past months – especially during my deepest sink of depression. The loss of one of the few friends that I have bonded was devastating, but I was fortunate enough to have thought of one song that I have forgotten for a long time – Better in Time by Leona Lewis.

Thought I couldn't live without you
  It's going to hurt when it heals too
  It'll all get better in time

Even though I really love you
  I'm gonna smile because I deserve too
  It'll all get better in time

That pretty much summed up what happened with me during my isolation period in Santorini. Having spent time with myself and really reflect, I came to a realization that time will heal… if you are resilient enough. Time is also a precious asset that should not be spent over lament, but rather personal growth. I came to realize also my ignorance over multiple signs, futile attempts, and faults in the past. Additionally, I have also come to the point of acceptance and letting go.

“If the relationship is toxic, it is better that it has ended,” said a friend after I have told her what happened to me. At first, I responded, “but if it’s really important to me, I should at least give it a go”. While I now agreed with her initial statement, I did not regret my futile attempts because it brought me an internal closure that I must let go of- though not through a conversation that I had hoped.

Since there's no more you and me
  This time I let you go so I can be free
  And live my life how it should be
  No matter how hard it is
  I will be fine without you

One thing that I learned from this closure is a mature and conscious way to end a relationship. “The path I have walked is what has shaped me to who I am today” I have said this multiple times whenever I talked to myself as well as my mentees “and I have no regret of all my past failures.” This event further cemented my belief. The key thing I learned is to cherish the good moments and what I have received and to let go of the hurtful moments.

I have seen many scenes of deleting photos, videos, and all the good memories together whenever one break-up a relationship, be it romantic or friendly. However, I really am appreciative of the skills and lessons I have learned over the period of time. Why remove it from myself? Time is a precious asset and history is an embodiment of oneself. I see no point in removing it from my identity but rather embrace it and become a better human being going forward.

Letting go is the harder part than acceptance. I have accepted for a while, but letting go really takes time – to heal the wounds, to let the memory fade, and to pick myself up. This is where I really appreciate all my past depression and suicidal attempts that have strengthened myself to this day. All the experience has really made me a stronger person capable of dealing with the hurts and wounds and pick myself up very soon.

To the friend, I hope you are able to come to some realization and that the goods are cherished in a similar manner that I have done. Good luck wherever you are…