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Depression Diary: Another down day

Dear diary

Remember what I said about feeling disconnected and lonely. The feeling started to kick back again today. Perhaps, luckily due to the medication or the fact that I have means to express my feeling, I’m not in the zone of serious anxiety or much of negative thought.

It’s amusing how one day I can be very happy and feel completely included. Then another, I just felt as if I can disappear and no one will search for me. Today, I felt as if everyone is running away and turned their back on me. Logically that’s not the case, but a fucked up mind of depression could really make you feel that way.

Arts, be it in words, lines, strokes, color, or tone, are very powerful tools to express feelings. I’m using those right now to get things out of my system.

Yesterday I made a promise to someone that I will get better and come back to enjoy the beautiful island of Azores without this fucked up filter. I truly hope that day will come true.

I have also just started a new project to show different angles of my depression. How I, as mentally flawed as it is, actually perceive the world as I travel to beautiful places. It is not really for anyone but myself, but at the same time, it is also for people who I have run into or interacted with during my trip. This perhaps is a form of apologies that I may not have a chance to say to them in person.

I hope this will turn out well.

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