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Depression Diary: Check-in

It is now the third day of solo travel. I have been doing okay. Despite the heat, Malta has been quite therapeutic. The beach, the heat, the wind, and the architecture are interesting enough to distract me for the entire day. I have spent an entire day in Valletta yesterday walking around soaking in sweat and heat, exploring the cathedral and the war room, and getting some works done in a coffee shop in this old town.

After taking watercolor lessons from the master before we parted, I am now on my fifth paintings. This morning, I tried, for the first time, painting an object – a four-leaves clover. While I was quite comfortable with landscapes, it took me so many attempts to get just one painting out. I know it is a journey and learning experience, but I was actually a bit frustrated this morning because I couldn’t really get to what I want. My intention for painting this was actually to make it a gift to my master, who will actually need a lot of luck soon. Hopefully, my skill will be good enough to make this a perfect gift soon.

My first watercolor painting:





I am now struggling to find meaningful things to do during the day. It was actually quite hard for me to do anything meaningful these days since the project I’m on turned out to be questionable, and I was constantly bothered by the lack of responses. I remember I wrote about accepting others in my reflection yesterday, and I’m trying to come to terms with it. However, it is also quite hard. One of my friends is dealing with a difficult time himself and really needs time and mind space. I know I am also not contributing positively either. However, I also felt the urge to get some time and attention… Anyway, dealing with struggles and natural urge is how we grow right?

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