top of page

Depression Diary: Words worth a thousand feeling

Over the past few days, my depression took turn for the worst. It was not just a bad feeling, but rather near suicidal. This is how suicidal works - there are 3 things:

  1. Ideation - think of ways to commit suicide

  2. Intention - want to die

  3. Attempt - take action on it

My state last night was, as I sat on the roof, I can think of hanging, overdosing, and even jumping off. Over the past few days, I have punched the wall and bed and tried to release my agony in so many ways. However, last night was a close call - I already took pills from the packages right in front of me. I was so scared that I was shaking and trembling. I tried reaching out unsuccessfully. It was a rough night. I don't know if I can break myself again the next time. My call for help was exactly: "I need company".


Writing has always been my preferred way of communication and expression. I felt that my choices of words have always been quite precise in describing how I feel at the moment of writing.


Haiku and Tanka were my go-to form of poetry. As a non-native English communicator, I always prefer simplicity and conciseness. A single word in Haiku or Tanka can have multiple meanings. A mix of various feelings is exactly what I'm experiencing - depressed, anxious, guilty, unhappy, hopeful, etc. There are many conflicts...


A reference to nature and surroundings as a reflection of feeling is also what I like in Haiku and Tanka. I enjoy observing things and looking at things from multiple angles. The way I perceive my environment is really affected by my mood - so much more so during this depressive state...


As an important note for my Depression Journey, here are my poems:












25 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

On Letting Go

Practice Letting Go is one of my most yoga video to practice with on Alo Move. It has calming effect and is really a good hip opener...

Comments


bottom of page